And then it’s 2AM and you can’t remember what kissing him felt like even though you’re trying so hard that your eyes are screwed up and your head hurts from the effort. And you’re gripping your hands together so tight that you’re scared that your fingers might break but all you can think is that as long as it hurts less than your heart does right in that moment then maybe it won’t be so bad at all, maybe it will distract you and bring you back to yourself just for a little while, excuse the fact that you’re not sleeping just for a little while, maybe even get him out of your head, just for a little while.